Going Home
by twoleftfeet
Summary: chapter 9 is up Maura and Grissom have real talk.
1. The call

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine but borrowed. They are the property of CBS. This is my first fan-fic and is a work in progress. Please read and review. Hope you enjoy it as it is fiction of Grissom's life.  
  
Telephone rings in Grissom's apartment. "I'm not available please leave a message [beep]" answered Grissom's trusty 20 year old answering machine.  
  
"This is CA 1032 calling for Fran Grissom. 'Gil, this is your mother. I was calling to say that Maura called. She needs your help. Please call me when you get this message."  
  
Gil dragged into the townhouse at 2:30 in the afternoon after another double. He sat on the couch, propped his feet on the coffee table and let out a sigh. "Maura," he thought. "Only just yesterday, you were a baby." How much he had missed her.How much he had wanted to see her grow up. If only he had kept his cool. If only he hadn't let personal affairs cloud his work.  
  
He picked up the phone and dialed the Nevada Relay Service, "This is Gil Grissom. I need to make a call to Mrs. Fran Grissom. Yes, the number is (310) 534-617. Yes, I'll hold." It had been several years since his mother had called him, and more than that since they had spoken of Maura.  
  
"Hello, Gil,' repeated the voice of the operator who was relaying the call. "Hi, mom, go ahead" He had to use the relay service since he didn't have a TDD or telecommunications device for the deaf. It seems he had lost it when he'd moved to Las Vegas and never replaced the one he had.  
  
"Gil, Maura called me yesterday to say she needs your help. Her fiancée has disappeared and she thinks something terrible has happened to him."  
  
That last comment sent his mind reeling, "Fiancée?!??! It was just yesterday that she went off to first grade in California, the California State School for the Deaf in Fremont. It was just yesterday that they shared the all too painful loss of Corinne. Oh Corinne. Why couldn't I have solved that one?"  
  
After a momentary pause, Grissom responded "What can I do to help? Go ahead." The response came "Come to California, Gil, your daughter needs you." With that, he knew what he had to do. He finished the call then got on the Internet to search for a cheap ticket.  
  
In the CSI Breakroom.  
  
"Catherine, I need you to run the unit for a few days. I'm going to California on some personal business." Catherine raised one eyebrow and responded in an incredulous tone, "personal business? Since when does Gruesome Grissom let personal matters interfere with work?"  
  
"It's hard to say, Cath. It's something that I've hidden away for a long time. I closed that door a long time ago for fear that it would confuse personal matters with work. The truth is, I just couldn't deal with the loss and pain."  
  
Bracing herself as for an uphill climb, Catherine prodded further, "Well, what is it? Won't you let someone in? You know we've known each other these many years and I'm still finding things out about you that I would never have dreamed to be true. For all I know you're married and have a family on the side."  
  
Grissom turned away. He couldn't face her. Why hadn't he told Catherine? They had been through so much already with Eddie and the surgery. Why couldn't he tell her? Catherine stood with her arms folded, looking expectantly at the man with whom she'd worked for 11+ years, waiting for him to get the guts to just spit it out, whatever it was, that was taking him away from his first love, crime solving, to California.  
  
"So is that it, Gil? You have a family tucked away in California that you've never even bothered to mention in passing to me, not even in passing? You walk through all these cases where this one shot that one because of betrayal in love and you stand so high above them because you've never 'loved and lost.' You've built this world around you that won't let anyone in because you don't want to let yourself be hurt so you never allow yourself the gratification of taking a risk on love. But the truth is that you have loved and been hurt so you keep everyone at bay so that it doesn't happen again."  
  
"Catherine," said Grissom, gently. "You must understand one thing about me. Yes, I have loved. I loved her with all my heart.even before I threw myself wholeheartedly into crime solving. Her name was Corinne and I lost her. She was killed in a hit and run one evening while going out to get groceries. She was 6 months pregnant with our son. We never cracked the case. There was always hope, but that hope eventually died. What's more, we also had a daughter, Maura. Maura was 4 and a half at the time of the accident. Not long after Corinne died, Maura went to live with my mother."  
  
Not sure whether to cry or scream or how to respond, Catherine maintained composure, but was visibly shaken at the news. "You know, the more I know you, the less I understand you. After all that we've been through, I thought that maybe you could've told me, but I forgot. You don't mix personal with business. I thought I was more than business to you, Gil. That really hurts me to the core. I'm outta here." And she stormed off.  
  
Eyes following her fiery red hair, Grissom managed a weak "Catherine, wait!" It was too late. She had headed out the door to the department's black Tahoe to gather her thoughts before the departmental meeting that was to occur in 15 minutes in Grissom's office. What was he to do? He got up and followed her to her 'place of refuge.' "Damn, the door's locked," thought Grissom. He tapped lightly on the window and called to his friend. "Catherine. You're right. I've pushed you away and kept this from you, that which I knew could be a potential point of contention between us. Please let me in. I wanted to tell you." [click] The door was unlocked.  
  
"Let's just get through this departmental meeting and I promise," Grissom took a deep breath, "I'll tell you everything." "Just like you told me about Eddie's cheating?" retorted Catherine attempting to let him know he was not going to be off the hook so easily. "Everything, I promise." 


	2. Maura

Disclaimer-Grissom, Catherine, Warrick, Nick, and the others are borrowed and not mine but the property of CBS. Here's chapter 2. Hope you like it.  
  
Grissom assigns Catherine and himself to a DB in the desert, Warrick, Nick, and Sara to a casino robbery. Grissom and Catherine head for the Tahoe, kits in hand.  
  
"Well?" sighs Catherine. "Hit me. I'm ready for it."  
  
Grissom let out a 'weight of the world' sigh and began, "26 years ago, while still in LA as a coroner, I met and fell in love with a lab tech named Corinne. We both worked the night shift. We went out on dates. I had always kept to my books or studies, but Corinne had this knack of pulling me away at just the right time. I had to be with her. We shared something very special, so I asked her to marry me. Eight months later, we were married. It was like a dream for me. 1 and a half years later, Maura was born. Corinne quit working at the lab to stay home with her.  
  
"One morning when Maura was about 10 months old, I came home after my shift and Corinne was crying. She had been calling to Maura from the other room. Maura didn't respond. She got closer and closer until she was just behind her that Maura seemed to even notice that she was even in the room. Of course, I suspected that this might have something to do with my genetics so I didn't bat an eye when Corinne suggested we take her to have her checked. We took Maura to the doctor to find out she had 45% loss in her left ear and 31% in her right.  
  
"Corinne was devastated at first. You know, everyone wants their child to be perfect when they're born. I was never as upset about it as Corinne because of my own family history. Eventually, Corinne came to accept Maura's hearing loss and began doing all she could to give her as much visual stimulation she could. She poured herself into learning sign language and teaching it to Maura. Maura was a very quick learner and began stinging several words together as early as 18 months old. They were inseparable. I have always attributed much of Maura's success to Corinne's diligence. It was so good to see them together. My work always kept me a little bit out of the loop, but I always knew she loved me. She loved well for such a small person.  
  
"Eventually, we decided to enroll Maura into a day school for deaf children to give her the opportunity to interact with kids her age. She adjusted well to that but Corinne really had a hard time. She didn't want to let go so she started hinting that she would like to have another baby which is around the time that we got pregnant with Ian. The night she died, she was going out to the grocery store to get more milk and bread. Maura was at my mother's visiting for the week and I was at work. It was as if time had stopped. I'll never forget the call. 'Grissom, we've called in Jack Wilson for this hit and run.' Of course I was furious. Jack Wilson had been jealous of my position from day one and wasn't going to stop until he saw me quit.  
  
"I went immediately to my supervisor to find out what had happened. When I got into the office, he had this look on his face, a look I had never seen. His eyes were so full of pity and sorrow. 'Gil, you're gonna need to sit down for this. We sent Jack Wilson on the 480 because it was Corinne. They're taking her to the hospital now.'  
  
"I only saw red. I rushed there as fast as I could. She had just made it to the hospital when she died. They could save neither her, nor Ian. From that moment on, I was all over Jack Wilson-checking behind him in every part of the evidence, making sure no stone was left unturned. My whole world was turned upside down. One of the worst parts of it all was that I had to go home and tell Maura that Mommy was never coming home, that she was not going to have a little brother.  
  
"It was there that I disconnected from personal affairs, throwing myself fully into my work. I went back and got my Ph.D. in Forensic Entomology," his voice trailed off.  
  
"Grissom! How could you? Right when she needed you the most, you ran away?!?" asked Catherine almost crying herself.  
  
"It wasn't exactly like that," Grissom replied "I took off several months after no leads came in the case. Maura began staying more often at my mother's house while I worked, for God's sake I was just barely 30 when it all was happening. In time, Maura and I developed a rapport but when it was time for her to go to school, a residential school just seemed the right thing to do. It just worked out for the best that she was able to do that. She went to California School for the Deaf in Freemont nearly six hours away from our home in Marina Del Rey"  
  
Maura came home summers and big holidays like Christmas, and every month or so. But I dropped the ball with her. Maura grew up right before my eyes. I let myself stay busy so when Mom called to tell me she was coming home for the weekend, I started making excuses for not going out there except at Christmas or something. It didn't help that I was selected for the job here in Vegas. The pain was so great. Here I was an investigator of crimes, one who could use the evidence to build a case, and when my own wife is killed and I couldn't solve it. Now, she's about 24 years old and teaching at the school she attended. My mom called me to tell me that she is engaged, but that her fiancé has disappeared. She asked specifically for my help. I don't feel I can let her down this time. I believe my mother is counting on me, too."  
  
Catherine put her hand gently on Grissom's shoulder, still trying to digest all he had told her. "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help."  
  
Thanks, Cath. You've been such a true friend through all of this. 


	3. Mom's house

Author's note: Fran's conversation has been translated into English from Ameslan (American Sign Language) for ease of understanding. The flow of Ameslan can be quite taxing to an English reader.  
  
Fran Grissom was a petite, small-framed woman with kind eyes. She had the kind of eyes that were the window-to-your-soul kind of eyes. They could hide nothing, especially displeasure. If she felt it, you knew it without having to ask.  
  
Fran's Gray Buick LeSabre pulled up to the parking garage at the airport. She got her ticket and proceeded towards the baggage claim parking. She was feeling nervous. How would she let Gil know that Maura hadn't asked for him but that she had cooked up the whole scheme just to get them together again? How would she hide it? The truth was, Fran could see all the hurt in Maura's eyes that never let her trust, never allowed her to get too close for fear that she'd be "shipped off to residential school" again. Fran also ached over Gil's reticence in relationships. Ever since Corinne had died, he'd never let himself be really known by anyone again. Being close to the dead day in and day out had helped him to go deeper and deeper into his shell. It was time for him to come out.  
  
After a few times around the circuit, Fran spotted the salt-and-pepper gray of her only son. Where had the years gone? It seemed like just yesterday that she was sending him off to college. Now he was a big shot crime scene investigator in the #2 crime lab in the country. She pulled the car over and opened the trunk latch, took a deep breath, and got out of the car. "Gil," she signed with a G in the middle of her chest and she reached to embrace him. He seemed genuinely pleased to see her and greeted her with a warm hug. "Hi, mom," Gil signed. "Were you here long?" he asked. Fran explained that she had to drive around the loop just a few times before he came out the door.  
  
Back at Fran's house, Fran started a pot of hot tea for them both. Grissom walked around the all too familiar house as if processing a crime scene, taking in every inch of the house he'd lived in during his early years. He noticed that Fran had made a sort of "wall of fame" displaying the accomplishments of her nearly 50 year old son. Beside it, he recognized another theme. Maura. It seemed she had a picture of every day of the girl's life: Holiday pictures, school pictures, awards and certificates. And here was a picture of her graduation from Gallaudet University in Washington, D. C. How proud mother was of Maura's achievements. How many of them Grissom had missed.  
  
Fran brought the tea into the sitting room and invited Gil to sit with her and talk. "So, where is Maura?" asked Grissom. "She's living near the school. She'll be coming in tomorrow. It's quite a drive if you remember." She and a group of students were preparing for the academic bowl this evening. "How about you, Gil? What's new with you?"  
  
"I am working on a case involving the shooting of a young girl who had been violated. She went to the station to identify the perpetrator in a line up but appeared too frightened to do it. We have a few leads, but overall we still haven't been able to pin this one on anyone."  
  
"And your surgery?" she inquired. "Overall, it had been a success. It seemed that, for now, at least, that the deafness had been pushed to the backburner." Gil was amazed at how well his mother had aged. It was still hard to believe that she was 76 years old. She was the picture of health septuagenarian or not. They stayed up chatting long into the evening when finally Fran decided that it was time for her to go to bed. Gil made the excuse that because he worked the night shift, he was not quite ready to go to bed. The truth was, he had a thousand little thoughts about the upcoming day that he had to address before they arrived. What would he say when he saw her? Would he reach for her? What would she say to him? How would he be able to face her? Seeing the pictures of her at his mother's house only confirmed that Maura was not a little girl anymore. She was a beautiful woman, just like her mother. She had grown up to look like Corinne in so many ways. Corinne's nose, Corinne's light brown hair, and in this picture, her smile. God, how much he had missed. He wasn't there to see her be elected president of the class. He wasn't there to see her win the science fairs. He wasn't there for parents' day. He wasn't there to see her graduate. He wasn't there for any of it. How easy it had been to run away from her, to run away from the pain. 


	4. The drive to Fremont

3:18 am. Fran Grissom's house.  
  
Grissom was sitting in the old, green chair with the Journal of Forensic Sciences half-dozing. He was tired-mentally. Dealing with all these emotions left him feeling spent like a 15-year-old dollar bill. Perhaps this is why he retracted so when it came to matters of the heart and emotion. It was so much more taxing on him than working on 'genius-level' crosswords or working in the mind of a criminal.  
  
At 3:21, the phone rang. Lights flashed on and off but Grissom roused and walked in a half-stupor toward the phone. "Hello?" he mumbled. No answer. He almost hung up the phone when he caught himself, "TTY!" he said aloud and quickly placed the receiver of the telephone on the telecommunications device his mother had used to keep in touch with the world by phone.  
  
"HELLO GA" he typed, somewhat slowly. There was a short pause and the response came, "GRANDMA QQ GA." Fortunately, with all the flashing lights, Fran woke up and came into the kitchen. "It's Maura," signed Gil. Fran took the call and Grissom returned to his place in the green chair. He couldn't help but feel relieved that his mom did wake up. He still wasn't sure what he was going to say to Maura. He had decided that he'd better turn in because it was going to be a long and emotionally draining day. He did feel a little nervous yet anxious to see how his only child had turned out-even under the circumstances. Before he could get to the bedroom that had been his as a child, he felt the gentle touch of his mother's hand on his left elbow. He turned around to find his mother had been crying.  
  
"Gil," Fran began "Maura thinks that the Police have found Travis' body. They called her and asked her to come and make a positive identification. She told them she would come first thing in the morning." "She won't be coming here, then" assumed Grissom. "Maybe we can go there,"she partially asked, partially insisted. It was quite an unfortunate turn of events. Grissom was already going to have enough to deal with about the last 20 years and now to have to be with his daughter 'on the worst day of her life.' "How far is the trip, Mom? It's been awhile since we've traveled that way together." "About 5 and a half hours. We could get there by 10 if we left soon, " she replied. Grissom could tell he was not going to get out of this one-so much for sleep. Again, it had taken him aback at how spry this 76 year-old woman was. How could he even argue with her? She headed for the restroom to clean up and Grissom reached for his cellular. He had to talk to Catherine.  
  
Catherine was in the middle of a turkey club sandwich, no bacon when her phone chirped, "Willows," she answered, half-way expecting the call to be Warrick or Sara. "Catherine, it's Grissom. . ." he stated, "What's going on there?" Catherine's response was a typical rib at Grissom, "All's well on my watch, sir." Grissom could see her saluting and had to chuckle under his breath. "How's everything on your end? Have you seen Maura yet?" asked the red-headed investigator. He told her that they had just received the call that Travis' body may have been found and that he and his mother were going to Freemont to be with Maura as she made a positive identification of Travis. "I'm really starting to feel like this was a bad idea," admitted Grissom.  
  
"Gil, don't leave her now. You and your mother are really all the family she has if this was her fiancée. Whether you like it or not, you're going to have to face the fact that you ran away from her when she needed you most." He hated it when she was right about such matters. The whys were just as important if not more important that the hows at times. "You're right. I just," his voice trailed off, "it would be so much easier to just come back to Las Vegas and leave this all, but I know what I must do."  
  
They finished their conversation. Fran flicked the lights off and on behind him to let him know she was ready. "Just a minute, mom. Let me wash my face and clean up bit." He was becoming less and less ready for the drive but forced himself onward.  
  
Fran slept much of the way down to Fremont but perked up as they neared Santa Clarita. "Gil, I know this will be hard for you. You two have been away for so long. I know it is probably no secret to you that she asked about you every time she came home. 'Is Dad coming?' , 'Only us?' and 'Did he call?' were common questions in the house. Eventually, she stopped asking and either accepted that you weren't coming or that you were too busy for her. She did remarkably well with this, son, but I know it hurt her deeply. It hurt me for her. She needed you so much. She just wanted you to hold her and tell her 'Daddy's here, Daddy loves you, we'll get through this together.' I guess if I had helped you to understand more or communicate better." she stopped.  
  
"Mom, don't blame yourself. It was all me. I was so broken-hearted, so torn, so angry that it had not been me. Why did it have to be Julie? Why couldn't I solve that one? How could I look into Maura's eyes to say there was nothing I could do about it? I was supposed to fix things. I was the dad-and a forensic pathologist. Her mother and brother were killed and the killer is still out there somewhere. I could do nothing about it. Nothing" he repeated.  
  
"Gil, you are a fine CSI, a fine forensic pathologist, one of the best. I'm not saying that because I'm your mother. You have to know that sometimes, the bad guys get away with it and there's nothing you can do. It's quite unfortunate especially because of your 'calling' in life but kicking yourself over what could have been or should have been is not going to bring her back. You're going to have to face those who are still living who want to relate with you and share the ups and downs of life. Escaping into the world of the dead is not the answer. While they cannot hurt you they cannot love you."  
  
How true her words were. Even though they cut him, he found comfort in her words. Even at nearly 50 his mom could still set him straight. Maybe this trip wasn't gonna be as bad as he thought, at least this part. 


	5. Positive Id

When Grissom and his mother had gotten to the Bay Area Forensics Lab, it appeared that Maura had not yet arrived. They had stopped for breakfast and Fran had called Maura to let her know that she was coming to Fremont for moral support if she needed. She had not yet revealed to Maura that Grissom would be with her.  
  
"There she is," signed Fran as her granddaughter's silver Honda Civic pulled up beside the gray Buick. Fran noticed the surprise on Maura's face as she looked over to see her father sitting in the driver's seat of her grandmother's car. "For-for he-finish he-come-here?" she signed in Ameslan/American Sign Language, in which she found fullest expression. The emotion was too much for her as she almost turned around and drove back home. She stayed because of her commitment to Travis. Besides, she had given her word to Det. Arellano. Grissom and Fran got out of the gray car and waited for Maura. While she was checking on her makeup, Grissom stole a glance at his mother and gave her a sort of "what-have-I-just-walked- into?" look.  
  
Maura managed to collect herself and turn on her best professional face. Was this really happening? She was having to face both 'dragons' all in one day, Travis' dead body and the father that had been dead to her for so many years now. In some ways, she had wished he had been dead, that would at least have explained why he never came, called, or wrote. Finally she was ready, as ready as could be expected. She took a deep breath, opened the car door, and walked towards her family. How she would make it through all of this, she didn't know. She pressed onward and did all she could to maintain composure and have as little eye contact with her father as possible.  
  
Inside the forensics lab, the threesome sat in a common area and waited for Detective Arellano to escort Maura to the morgue. In the time they were there, Grissom managed to steal glances at her. "How beautiful, just like her mother," he thought. He braved the waters and broke the dead silence, "Maura, I can't imagine that you will want to be alone through this. Would you like your grandmother and I to be with you?" For an incredible mind, it was amazing sometimes how dense he was. "I haven't needed your help in twenty years," she fired back at him, "and I don't need it now." "I deserved that," he replied, "but let me say, that as a forensic investigator, I would encourage you to have your Grandma with you." Fran nodded her head in agreement that Maura shouldn't be alone for this. After much discussion (read argument), Maura acquiesced. Maura had gotten her feistiness from her grandmother, no doubt about it.  
  
Moments later, a tall Latino detective with piercing green eyes had called the ladies to follow him. Maura had opted to use her oral skills for this situation, which meant she went in with no interpreter. Fran walked slightly behind her choosing to follow Maura's lead. Gil watched them walk slowly down the long corridor, turn left, and then disappear. He sat for what seemed like years, lost in thought. How much this was like the day Corinne had died. How alone he had felt. He continued to replay the previous moment's discussing going back and forth from present day to 20 years ago. Several minutes had passed and Grissom was brought back to reality by the sound of a familiar voice. "Grissom? Is that you?" said a sweet voice tinged with a southern lilt. It was Marsha Kessler, an old co- worker of his from his days in LA. "What are you doing here? I thought you were in Las Vegas."  
  
Grissom related that he was here on family business, but chose not to disclose any more to the former lab-rat turned-CSI supervisor. Good ol' Grissom. "How have you been all this time? I still think about all that had happened with Corinne and still I ache whenever I think of it." Grissom was moved that she had remembered all of that, even though it had touched such a tender spot in his heart. "And how about your daughter?" she asked, "Is she well?" Just then, Maura and Fran appeared down the hall. Grissom looked past his former co-worker to see the broken hearted Maura coming towards him down the hall, clutching her visibly shaken grandmother.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said, "You'll have to excuse me. I must handle something right now." He headed down the hall towards the women, leaving the blonde- headed investigator standing in the middle of the common area. "I hope to see you again before I leave, but I cannot make any promises." Grissom allowed himself to reach for Maura, and heed his mother's words to try to 'be there.' Maura was so distraught, she collapsed right into his arms. 


	6. The storm hits

Travis' body had been found in his car in a drainage ditch. Apparently the killer had hoped that it would have looked like an accident. The autopsy revealed, however that he had died of asphyxiation by strangulation. They had also noted a number of defensive wounds that might aid the investigators in linking a suspect to the crime. Fingernail scrapings were being sent to the lab for DNA and hopefully would give the investigators a lead.  
  
After the whole identification ordeal, Detective Arellano wanted to ask Maura some questions. Gil seemed to think it was rather soon to be asking but he knew that the key to crime solving was in the timeliness of evidence collection. Maura seemed to have softened some toward Grissom since all the fight was taken out of her after having seen her beloved laid out in a cabinet at the county morgue. Waving her arm, she got his attention and asked Grissom to come and interpret for her because she didn't think that her skills would be a match for the extreme stress she was under. He agreed and followed Det. Arellano and Maura into the interrogation room. "Good thing I wore black," he thought. The contrast in the dark room would prove to be helpful for manual communication.  
  
"State your relationship to the deceased, please ma'am, " said the detective. Grissom was pretty rusty but managed to paraphrase using the ASL he remembered. Of course, he knew the drill: find out as much as you can as quickly as you can because time was the major enemy of evidence collection.  
  
Maura signed deliberately, clearly, and slowly because she couldn't imagine that he would be able to keep up with the nuances of a language he barely used. "I loved him. He was my fiancé." At that moment, Grissom fixed his eyes upon his daughter's left hand, "Wow, what a rock!"  
  
"Miss Grissom, do you know of any enemies Travis might have had? Anyone who might have wanted to do this to him?" asked the detective. Grissom surprised himself at how well he kept up. Of course, it helped that these were nearly the same questions he would have asked.  
  
"No. Not anyone," She signed, "Everyone loved him. He was the principal of the school." The detective asked how long he had been principal. Maura answered with her own voice that he had been the principal for the past 2 school years.  
  
"What happened to the principal before him," the investigator wanted to know. Maura said that she had retired. She had been the principal for about 15 years. She was there almost as long as Maura had been, since Maura was a student at CSD."  
  
The detective wanted to know of any major staffing changes at the school recently. Maura drew a blank then lit up, "Oh, yes. We had just gotten a new superintendent, a hearing man by the name of Eton Shandrick which many of the teachers don't like, including me." Maura stated that Travis didn't much care for Shandrick either. She told the detective that he often took up Travis' time with various difficult matters that he would never disclose to Maura which had caused not a few arguments between them.  
  
Detective Arellano asked a few more questions and thanked Maura for her help. He also wanted to be able to keep in touch with her if anything else came up. "Sure," she replied with her own voice that was clear enough to understand with a little practice and visual cues. The detective's eyes met Grissom's and thanked him for all his help.  
  
How exhausting, yet insightful that was to Grissom. He hadn't interpreted for anyone in ages. He had hoped the investigator would be exploring the information Maura had given about Eton Shandrick. In his mind, he wanted to get involved and pull all the strings he could as the supervisor of the number two crime lab in the nation. He had already thought he might go and see the suspicious superintendent himself. No, he would wait. He resolved himself to that until his help was requested.  
  
Father and daughter headed out of the interrogation room and Maura had already retreated into her distant world internally, barely acknowledging the outside surroundings. She was the walking wounded, if not the walking dead. For her, it was survival that mattered the most: push down the hurt, the pain, the fear, the disappointment, the rage. This was all just fuel for the fire that burned inside her keeping most people at bay, most except Travis. Now he was gone, too. She was the proverbial iceberg, letting others see only 10% of herself while 90% lay unseen under ice waters. How striking the parallel between Maura and the man beside her. Both had built their lives around this hurt. They both protected the pain rather than allow themselves to feel it. Feeling it would be too much. It was far too easy just to run and hide behind a professional, unemotional outer shell. For her, the over-achieving teacher who lived vicariously through the lives of her students so she would not have to face the pain of the abandonment that had happened nearly twenty years ago. For him it was the intellectual aloofness and seeming attention to making sure that no part of his life was imposed upon his work. That had cost him everything where Corinne was concerned.  
  
"Are you hungry?" Fran asked the pair as they arrived back where they had left her before the questioning. "It's 12:30 and it might be a good idea to eat something," she encouraged.  
  
"I could eat," Grissom confessed. "I suppose I could, too" answered Maura, tentatively.  
  
"What's good around here?" asked Grissom, directing his attention toward Maura, the Fremont dweller. "The school's not that far," she replied, "Miss Emma's is one of the best cooks around, even for a school."  
  
Fran broke in, "Why not let's go to that little place you took me when I came down for last year's CSD graduation, the one with the home cooked food. Then we would have time to be just us, no interruptions, no distractions."  
  
Maura wasn't sure she liked this idea, though the begrudgingly agreed. Who argues with Grandma? She was kind of hoping for the diversion. At CSD, there was a common area for taking lunch. Teachers and students would mix there and discuss the lessons and even the gossip around school. It sort of promoted the family environment for the students, most of whom lived far away from their own families.  
  
The threesome arrived at the restaurant that looked like something out of a movie. They had little blue plates on the wall as a sort of signature with blue checkered table linens and draperies. Grissom took the lead in letting the hostess know that there'd be three dining and that they preferred non-smoking.  
  
They were seated almost immediately in the back of the restaurant near a large window. Not long after that, a non-descript waitress came to the table and in her best 'faux-southern' asks 'may ah help yew?" All that effort was wasted on the two hearing-impaired ladies seated at the table. Grissom had to grin in spite of himself. Right away, The older of the two women pointed to her desired choice of beverage while the younger one spoke using her own voice. It took the waitress a few times to make sure she heard correctly. "I'll have water with lemon," requested Grissom.  
  
Left alone to peruse the menu, the three hardly conversed at all until after having made their lunch orders. Grissom and Fran ordered the vegetable plate while Maura ordered a baked fish plate. The waitress returned, this time without the accent, took their orders, then disappeared. Finally, alone.  
  
Maura appeared to be deep in thought but then seemed to come out of it to ask, "So, how long are you going to be in California?" "Perhaps three more days," he answered. "What made you come out here in the first place?" she asked. "Mother called me. She said you needed me. I have been thinking of you and I guess I just needed the kick in the pants to set me straight" Just then, Maura's face clouded over, the storm was about to hit.  
  
"Like hell you thought about me. What makes you think you can just saunter back into my life after all these years as if nothing happened? What makes you think that all this time I have been waiting for you hoping and anticipating every time I went back home to Marina Del Rey that you would be there? I had to give up on that dream a long time ago. Why are you here? If anything you were feeling the pangs of guilt from something outside yourself, namely Grandma. Where were you when I broke my arm? Where were you when I won the science fair? Where were you when I graduated number three in my class? Where were you when I graduated from Gallaudet with highest honors? None of that mattered to you, did it? No matter what I did, nothing was ever good enough to get you to come back to California, to see me when I came home from school to visit. I might as well have died with Mama." At this, tears started streaming down her face. "All I wanted was you. I wanted no presents, no toys, nothing but to know you were with me. I was alone in a new place almost 6 hours away from my family for 13 years and would have been able to deal if I had been like half the kids in the school whose parents came every year for parent day. You were too busy for that. Too busy and unconcerned to care. Maybe even now you have the perfect family there in your beautiful Las Vegas with 2.3 beautiful perfect children, I don't know. I don't know you, and you are my father." At this, she got up and ran for the restroom. 


	7. Grissom's response

Grissom shot a look at his mother. "You needed to hear that, Gil, from her," his mother signed, "I wouldn't have asked you to come here if I didn't feel it to be critical. I'm finished being the go-between for the two of you. You need to face your own pain and help your daughter know that you care for her."  
  
Grissom sat in silence, far away. He felt one of his migraine's coming on, "Damn, meds are back in Vegas," he remembered. He was replaying her visual expression, her deliberate wording, her emotion. In a moment, he had mentally relived every image she had just conveyed.  
  
Fran got up and headed towards the restroom to see about Maura. Not long after, the waitress returned perfectly balancing the three plates on her left arm. "Vegetable plate?" she said, blankly. " Uh, Miss, I'm terribly sorry for the trouble but could we have these wrapped up? We're going to need to leave right away." "Whatever," she muttered, visibly irritated.  
  
Grissom was still in a funk when his phone went off. It rang and rang until someone came up to him and said, "Hey, aren't you going to answer that?"  
  
"Grissom," said the stupefied investigator.  
  
"Grissom? Is that you?" asked a familiar voice but one he couldn't  
quite place. "Grissom. It's me, Marsha. Marsha Kessler. Where are  
you?"  
  
"I'm at the Blue Plate Restaurant, you know the one with the plates on  
the wall and the contrived southern accents," he replied.  
  
"I know it well. Best fried catfish in the state. Anyway, I'm  
calling because of your daughter. She came in this morning for a  
statement about the deaf principal case. We've been to the decedent's  
house and found something we'd like to ask her about," stated the  
Crime Lab supervisor.  
  
"Wha.? Why'd you call me? The detective on the case said he would keep  
up with Maura. How'd you get my cell number anyway?"  
  
"Detective Arellano had remembered that I knew you when he was  
reporting the case to me and was hoping you could help being that the  
suspect is deaf. We would appreciate your expertise to help us figure  
out just what happened"  
  
"Suspect? They hadn't said anything about that. Maura was just  
giving all the information she had about the situation at the time. It  
was preliminary investigation material. Now you're labeling her a  
suspect? Besides, don't you think I'd contaminate the evidence being  
that your 'suspect' is my only daughter?"  
  
"Grissom, you know as well as I do that we don't rule anyone out until  
the evidence has cleared them. Do you think you can get her back here  
as soon as possible?"  
  
"Truthfully, Marsha, I think you're going to need to reach her  
yourself. Just use the California Relay Service for Deaf and Hard of  
Hearing Persons. The number should be in the yellow pages. I don't  
think I can help you in this department. At least not right now."  
  
"Oh? Well, at least you know what's going on. Maybe you can at least  
let her know that we want to speak with her again. And by the way, I  
called the Las Vegas Lab to find out how I could reach you. I spoke  
to some gal named Catherine Williams? or was it Willows? She didn't  
seem to eager to give your cellular, but when I told her who I was,  
she acquiesced. She's a fireball in interrogations, I bet," said the  
forensic investigator. "More than you know," thought Grissom.  
  
"Catherine!" thought Grissom, "I was supposed to call her after the identification." Grissom picked up his cell phone and started dialing but then hung up when he saw his mother and daughter walking toward him.  
  
"I think we better go," signed Grissom's mother. "I'll take care of the check. The waitress should be bringing our plates in to-go boxes." He looked at Maura's tear stained face, almost wanting to cry himself. It was as if he were looking right at Corinne after they had had an argument, one that she had won, but one about which he was still being stubborn.  
  
The waitress returned and gave the check and three boxes to Grissom. He excused himself to pay the cashier and get change for a tip for the less- than-friendly service they had received. Grissom walked behind his mother and daughter out of the restaurant.  
  
Outside, they stopped in front of the cars. Grissom waved to get Maura's attention. "I know I haven't done right by you. I deserved for you to say those things to me. I don't expect you to all the sudden forget about the past, I certainly haven't. Everyday, the pain is with me. Everyday I have to work all the harder for every victim's family so that they don't have to live through the hell I have lived in. Not knowing or having any idea whom it was that might have taken away the person whom I loved most in the world. Everyday, I wished it had been me. Everyday, I have hoped for some break in the case that would lead me straight to the one who took her away, who took the son I never knew."  
  
Maura broke in, "I was still alive. I lost my mama, too. Life doesn't happen in a vacuum. You were not alone in your hurt. It was like double hit for me, first, mama is taken from me. Then my dad ran away from me. She'd taught me everything. She gave me literacy and communication. As a 4 year old, she was my life and before I turned five, she was gone and I didn't have the language to understand "dead." All I could figure out was I didn't know where my mom was and that my dad had 'disappeared,' too. "  
  
"You have to know that though I couldn't show it you, I did love you, " he responded. "In some ways, you represented to me all the painful memories because of how much you looked like her and smiled like her, and acted like her. That wasn't fair, I know. I need to work on that. Now that I am here, can we at least make a new start? I'm willing to go as slow as you want, but I would like very much to know you."  
  
"You want to know me because I'm like my mother, but she is gone. You can't get past that. I don't think you will ever know me as long as you see me as the means to an end, namely of being close to mom, true enough. If that's what you are here for, I don't want to talk to you anymore."  
  
Maura turned towards her car as if she would leave. Grissom touched her on the arm, pleading, "Please, don't shut me out. Please. Please hear me, I do love you, Maura Grissom. I loved you the minute I saw you. To me you were perfect. I just lost my way and would like to find it again. Can't we start there? I don't expect it to be sudden thing, but I would like us come to a common ground."  
  
The young woman was silent for a long time. She didn't know how to answer. Part of her wanted to run to him and the other part wanted to tell him to go to hell. Finally, she spoke, "I need to be alone." Fran was pretty good at lip reading herself so she wasn't out of the loop. Maura got into her car and drove away. Grissom turned to his mother and signed, "You-finish- plan we-discuss here today QQ." Fran said nothing, but her son had gotten the message loud and clear. The pair got into the car and headed for the nearest Motel, they were going to be in Fremont a little while longer. 


	8. Back to the police station

Tears streaming down her cheeks, Maura drove towards her place of solace, her apartment. It had been a long and emotional day. She just wished it was a nightmare and that soon she would wake up. After all those years, HE had to come, on the day I said goodbye to love forever. Was this a dream? She really had hoped for the day of seeing her father, for a long time, but inside, she couldn't get past all the years of "Where's Dad? Isn't he coming?" She pulled into the garage of her apartment complex, parked in her assigned spot and got out. She was too deep in thought to be alert to the stranger sitting 2 cars over in a green Pontiac Grand Am. This was not the first time it had been sitting there, unknown eyes , watching her comings and goings.  
Maura was greeted in her apartment by a plump gray Tabby named Sam. She walked past the telephone and noticed that the message light was flashing. "Who could that be?" she thought  
  
MESSAGE 1 "CA 1632 calling for Det. Arellano. 'Miss Grissom. We have some evidence that we would like to discuss with you. Call me back at 571- 6218."  
  
MESSAGE 2 "HI MAURA. GRANDMA HERE. YOUR FATHER AND I ARE STAYING IN THE HOTEL. TELEPHONE NUMBER 635-1132. LOVE YOU SKSK."  
  
"Could it get worse?" she thought. She hung up the phone then dialed the Relay Center to talk to Det. Arellano. She would be returning to the police station for the second time and was none too happy about it. Maura wondered if she should call her father to ask if he would interpret for her. She at least liked the idea of his being along because he knew the ropes and what kinds of things they might ask. She really didn't understand why the police had wanted to talk to her so soon after their previous discussion. She decided to wait to call until after she had taken a hot bath.  
  
Back at the hotel, Grissom sat in one of the chairs sitting in the corner of the hotel room. Fran had opted for a nap. Grissom's phone rang.  
  
"Grissom," he answered  
  
"Gil? It's Catherine. I thought you were gonna call me after Maura identified the body," she 'nagged'  
"Oh, Catherine, sorry. Things have been pretty hectic around here to say the least. We just got in twenty minutes ago. The update is they found the body in a drainage ditch in his car, but he died of asphyxiation. They were asking about any possible leads and she said to check out the new superintendent of the school. I want to check it out myself, but not until I am asked," he replied  
  
"Oh yeah, how is that going? I can imagine it was a less than glorious reunion, " she said.  
  
"Well it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. She let me have it pretty good at the restaurant. I can't say I blame her, but I didn't imagine the force of emotion she would use to convey the hurt. What I realized is that I had run away from her as if she were the connection, the only connection I had to Corinne, which was partially true, but I used that as a way to run away from the pain instead of reaching to her and walking with he through it."  
  
"Finally," thought Catherine, "Griss is starting to have a heart. He's learning."  
  
"What are you going to do now?" she wondered.  
  
"I'm probably going to be here a few days more. I want to at least see that things are one the mend, not perfect, but on the mend. I have confidence in you, Catherine, you'll do excellent work."  
  
"You know, I could do your job," she reminded him.  
  
"That's why you're in charge," he replied, "That's why you're in charge." "Well," he said after a momentary pause, " I'm thinking a nap would be pretty good right now. I'll keep you posted."  
  
Grissom punched the off button on his phone and headed for the king-sized bed opposite his mother. Before he could even hit the pillow, the hotel phone rang. He answered it and discovered no voice on the other end. It was Maura. This time she had used her TTY announcer that would alert a hearing person answering the phone to switch to a TTY for the Deaf. He placed the phone receiver onto the machine and typed:  
  
HELLO GA, answered Grissom.  
  
GRANDMA QQ GA she asked.  
  
GIL HERE. THIS IS MAURA QQ he asked.  
  
DET. ARELLANO CALLED, NEEDS ME TO RETURN TO POLICE. CAN U HELP FOR INTERPRETING QQ I DON'T KNOW WHY HE WANTS ME TO COME SO SOON FROM THIS MORNING GA.  
  
I WILL HELP said Grissom. WHAT TIME DO I COME QQ GA  
  
COME AT 730 OK QQ GA  
  
SURE said Grissom. I WILL TAKE A NAP TO REST. SEE YOU AT 730 MAURA GA TO SK.  
  
OK, DAD SKSK  
  
Maura arrived early to the police station and sat in her car waiting for Grissom. Millions of thoughts were running through her mind. It was as if she were mentally replaying her life up to that point. She remembered reading with Mama, looking at bugs and other things on the beach with Daddy. She remembered that awful day she came home from visitng Grandma. Daddy looked different. He looked like a stranger. He used signs Mommy. Open hand with thumb touching chin and one she didn't recognize: hands: one palm up, one palm down. Hands turning over. Hands: one palm down, one palm up. "Where's mommy?" she asked, using her voice and sign. She remembered his face, his sad face. "Mommy's gone," he told her. She remembered the long car ride with Daddy and Grandma. She remembered seeing them wave goodbye. She remembered crying, crying, crying in her bed in the dormitory. At that moment she began to cry.  
  
Suddenly, a figure appeared outside the driver's side window. He was tapping on the window. He was talking to her but she could not understand him. She pointed to her ear and shook her head. The man shrugged and walked on.  
  
By this time, Grissom had pulled up in his mother's car. He had gotten out and was standing outside in front of the building. After a moment, Maura spotted him. She checked her face in the mirror. "I look like a mess," she thought as she saw her tear-stained face. "Better go in," she urged herself, "It's 7: 25."  
  
Maura got out of the car and headed towards Grissom. He could tell that she had been crying.  
  
"You OK?" he signed.  
  
"Feeling emotional right now, like this is all too much," she replied and then she continued, "Thank you for coming to help me today. I don't know how I am going to go through this all over again."  
  
"I know this is not easy for you. It wouldn't be easy for anyone. I know I haven't been much help over the last 20 years but I know I can't continue this way. I hope we can make a new start," he answered.  
  
Just then, Detective Arellano appeared at the door. He motioned for them to come in.  
  
The detective wasted no time. As soon as they were seated, he began. He pulled out some feminine underclothes. "Miss Grissom, do you recognize these?"  
  
"No," she said with her own voice, "I've never seen them before."  
  
"Have you ever stayed the evening with Mr. Warren?"  
  
She looked surprised at his question and decided to use sign language to answer this question. " I have not stayed overnight. I've spent lots of time there, but what would it have looked like for me to stay with him at his apartment? He WAS the principal." Grissom could sense her irritation at the question. "Where's this going?" he thought.  
  
"Miss Grissom, were you having sexual relations with Mr. Warren?"  
  
"Hmmmm," thought Grissom, "they musta found some evidence in the sheets"  
  
Maura was clearly annoyed and embarassed at the question. "We decided to wait on that until we married. I wanted to take it slowly and Travis was very understanding."  
  
"May we take a DNA sample, Miss Grissom?" At this she shot a look at Grissom and signed to him, "Why is he asking me all this? I don't understand."  
  
"What's she saying, Mr. Grissom?" the detective wanted to know.  
  
"She's confused about your line of questioning, Detective. Perhaps you should be a little more direct," snapped Grissom.  
  
"Are you trying to tell me how to run an investigation, sir?" asked Arellano, visibly annoyed.  
  
"Seems to me," Grissom began "that you have an agreeable source here. She's not holding out on you. I just think she might be more inclined to give you more information if it seemed that you were trying to help find out who killed her fiancé."  
  
Maura was lost in a sea of flapping lips. In walked Marsha Kessler, the CSI supervisor. She had a swab in her hand. "May I? You'll need to open your mouth like this, she requested as she swabbed the inside of the deaf woman's cheek.  
  
Kessler had been watching the whole scenario through the mirrored glass on one side of the interrogation room. "What we've found, Miss Grissom, is evidence of sexual activity and a woman staying in the apartment." Grissom signed to Maura as Kessler told her what they had found. "We are asking you about this so that we could locate another possible suspect and," she paused, "we're still trying to rule you out as a suspect."  
  
"We'd like to know how your relationship was with Travis," she continued, "Did you ever fight?"  
  
In her mind, Maura could not believe what they were saying: Another woman present in his apartment? Sexual activity? She started to close up, but pressed on. "I don't know anything about a woman in Travis' apartment. I don't know anything about these articles of clothing you're showing me. And I'm beginning to think I know nothing about Travis," she responded, fighting back tears. Suddenly, it was all to much for her. She began to cry.  
  
Marsha Kessler placed a hand on Maura's shoulder. Detective Arellano looked away and Grissom just sat there looking as though he were somewhere far away.  
  
After a few moments, Maura regained her composure. "I'm sorry, this is just like a slap in the face for me. I've kept to myself my whole life, choosing books over people, studying to know as much as I could about anything. Finally, when I let someone in, it was exactly as I thought it would be-a disaster. Travis and I started having more frequent arguments about all the time he had been spending away, time with Eton Shandrick to go over "the books" or whatever, but I never suspected there'd be another woman. Travis always seemed so focused, like one track in his brain. Everything seemed to change when Eton Shandrick came on board at CSD."  
  
"Do you think Travis might have been telling you he was with Shandrick to keep you off the trail of him and someone else?" asked Marsha.  
  
I don't really think so," she answered, "Travis was always very straightforward, a straight shooter. He never seemed to be anything other than truthful. Eton Shandrick was really being demanding since he came on the scene. About 7 months ago, I saw Shandrick literally pull Travis into his office. I couldn't quite understand it all. When I asked Travis about it, he became very defensive. That was very unlike him, I thought."  
  
Marsha asked a few more questions and then they decided that that was enough for now. They would be contacting her as the investigation went on. On their way out, Maura stopped by the restroom to wash her face. Grissom stood in the hallway waiting. Marsha approached him, "She's just like you were all those years ago, bookish and full of fire. It's uncanny how much she looks like you both, you and Corinne. This never gets easier, seeing people on the worst day of their lives. She'll make it, though. We're doing all we can." The she paused, her voice becoming very quiet, "Has she said anything to you about any of this?" the CSI wanted to know.  
  
"Nothing really. We haven't done a lot of talking until just recently," he replied.  
  
"Do you suspect anything?" she questioned further. "At first glance, no. Just stick to the evidence. Let it tell the story of what happened to my daughter's fiancé. The evidence won't lie to you."  
  
"Good ol' Grissom," she laughed, "You haven't changed a bit."  
  
Maura came out of the bathroom looking somewhat refreshed, yet still bruised and broken from the day's events. "Ready?" signed Grissom. She nodded. Grissom turned to Marsha, "I'll keep in touch." "Thanks," she replied. 


	9. truth hits home

Out in front of the cars, Grissom convinced Maura to steal away and go to dinner before going home. She didn't put up much of a fight but did ask about Grandma. Grissom assured her that Grandma would be fine. She was napping, snoring happily, and shaking the walls of the hotel room. When Grissom signed that, a grin broke across Maura's face for the first time since he had come.  
  
The father-daughter pair ended up at a bar and grill on the edge of town. The music was loud but the food was good. There hadn't been much of a wait at the restaurant, which was good. Maura hadn't eaten her lunch. She was too wound up. It had been early that morning since she had eaten.  
  
When they got to their seats, a roar in the crowd erupted. The local high school football team entered triumphantly after having soundly defeated CSD, for once. Maura and Grissom turned and stared at the menus trying to decide what they would order. After a while, a plump, blonde waitress appeared with a memo pad. "What can I get you?" Unable to gauge the noise in the room, Maura spoke " I would like a turkey club sandwich with fries." The waitress gave her a look as though Maura was trying to be funny, "Come again?" she finally asked. Maura gave up and pointed to the sandwich on the menu. "I'll have a steak cooked medium and a baked potato," Grissom added.  
  
The waitress disappeared with the menus.  
  
"So, how are you doing?" he asked.  
  
"In shock, " signed Maura "I really don't know what to think anymore. Makes me want to find the nearest roller coaster, a real one. Emotional roller coasters are not thrilling."  
  
Grissom grinned then turned pensive.  
  
"Maura," he stopped.  
  
"Yes?" Her face seemed to say, without word or gesture.  
  
"I," he paused, "I know this is hard for you. I know that my being here hasn't made it any easier for you to deal with it all."  
  
Maura looked as if she were going to say something. "Wait," signed Grissom "I'd like to finish. What I did to you was wrong. I should have protected you. I should have been there for you. You were so young, so fragile. Your whole world was turned upside down when your mother died. I know how much she loved you and you her. At times, I admit, I was jealous. I wanted her attention, but I let go of that kind of thinking especially when I saw what the return was on the investment she made in you. You were such a bright child. Because of your mother's diligence, you never missed out on language development. She had you reading at age 4. It was phenomenal what her efforts were with you. I regret that I wasn't more involved. But, even when you were 3 years old, I had started to check out a bit. As the pressure at work increased, I started letting it get ahead of family. Your mom let me know about it. I had to change and I knew it. That's when she got pregnant with your brother, the brother you never knew. What made it all worse when your Mother died was that we had had a fight that night. She was emotional and I had been insensitive. Then we started arguing about the all the work hours. Our last conversation was that if things didn't change she was going to her mother's house for awhile. I never got to say goodbye. I never got to say I love you." Tears welled up in Grissom's eyes as he began searching for a handkerchief.  
  
Tears streaming down her face, Maura sighed, "Daddy," she said with her voice as she touched his hand, then began to sign, "I'm sorry too. I wanted so much just to be near to you. I wanted to feel your big arms around me and your hands saying it would be ok, that we would go through it together. I never realized how hurt you were too. All I could think about was that I was left alone. I needed you and you weren't there. I thought you didn't care about me. I never was able to contact you because I was paralyzed by the fear that you didn't want me. Grandma always seemed to say how sad you were and that you worked to keep your mind off the terrible thing that happened to Mom. I never understood until now." She continued, "Up until Travis died, we had been having more and more fights about the secrets he was keeping about Eton Shandrick. He was really acting strange, paranoid like. I didn't know what to think, it just wasn't like him. But about 2 nights before he disappeared, I told Travis I was considering breaking off our engagement until things got sorted out. He didn't seem to take it well. He left my apartment in a rage. He had slammed the door so hard a picture fell off the wall. I just wish I had known where he was going." 


End file.
